Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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