covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
