She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
