Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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