i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
