She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
