I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
