matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
