I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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