If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
