He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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