i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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