It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
