after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
