Got a toothbrush?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
