On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize