I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
