i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
