My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
