You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize