I faked an abortion last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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