I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize