Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
