Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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