dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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