Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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