it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
