ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
