and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
