I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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