he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
