I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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