I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
