i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
