he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
