someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need moral support for this bender
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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