I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
