laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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