Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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