I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
