sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
