just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
