I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
