Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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