At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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