Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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