he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
