I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
