Christians are straight up FREAKS
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
