Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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