Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
