So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
