Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
