So drunk its hurt
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
