it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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