Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
