another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
