My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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