...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
