i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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