my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
