dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
