i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
