Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
