Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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