you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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