Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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