please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
