I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
