9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize