I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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