The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
