Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
