I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
PANTIES FOUND
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