He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
